Saturday, July 25, 2009

How To Soften Handkerchiefs

Step 9.

"direct amends to such people wherever possible, the damage they had caused, except in cases where doing so would harm themselves or others." To

many members of CA, the Ninth Step is the more surprising of the twelve. Before practicing this step, most frightens us thought of approaching each of the persons we had harmed, openly acknowledging our mistakes, and put to work repairing the damage caused, or pay the toll. After repairing the damage, however, those of us who dared to do so, we had to sing praises. This step has freed us from the burdens and past mistakes in a miraculous way. Our lives have changed, our broken relationships have been fixed and the ill will that poisoned our hearts for years has been washed.

Those of us who still do not practice the Ninth Step, and must have heard of the benefits provided to those who have completed. However, our fears can force us to postpone it. We are warned that delay could repair the damage and threatening to paralyze our recovery from compulsive activities of the ego. At the time of feeling "ready" to practice Step Eight we must move quickly to take advantage of the "disposition".

On the other hand, it is necessary to use common sense when working this step. Step Nine specifically warns us about the danger of doing more harm than good to deal with and talk with people about situations painful past. That is why it is advisable to discuss before the steps we are willing to give, to a person familiar with the lifestyle of the Twelve Steps. It is necessary to discuss any concerns or questions about how to proceed reviewing our words and attitudes over time and with someone more experienced than us, someone who is not involved in the problem, which is detached.

Our sponsors probably remind us that the purpose of the Ninth Pass is free of guilt and ill will so that we can build better relationships with the people we contact. In most cases all you have to do is say " 'm sorry. " To fix our mistakes will be necessary to recognize the specific damage done, apologize for it, make appropriate restitution and change our behavior toward them in the future.

Before amending our mistakes, we must abandon any expectation that we have as to how the other person will receive. In most cases we will be treated in better shape than we expected. Sometimes people do not even recall that damaged them. Others refuse to accept our apologies, but this is rather rare, and some others do not want to accept our refund. If this happens, we leave the person without feeling resentment. We can not control the way that our amendments are received.

They are entitled to continue upset with us for the rest of life if they so wish. They are not obliged to forgive and we do not need to complete the Ninth Step and recover. Our only job is to clean the side of the street that corresponds to the time to straighten our actions wrong. Once we have done this and we have no reason to feel guilt or anger in any way by these situations. Clean

our side of the street requires us to be direct and honest in our approach to the people we have hurt. We may feel tempted to act only vaguely mentioning past our regret for what happened. Sometimes special cases and thus may work, but in most circumstances a slight verbal apology on our part will not show true sincerity. We must remember that people suffered our sins deserve a complete and total satisfaction of our misguided actions.

At the same time, it must try to present our apologies for the simplest way possible, to avoid overstressing facts and details that could reopen old wounds. Of course we will avoid mentioning anything they have done to provoke even when we felt that what they did was far worse than our own errors. Having forgiven these people in the Eighth Step, now we merely express our repentance in a simple way for things we did to hurt them. Avoiding large give excuses, dramatize, or engage in minute details of the events surrounding our actions.

could say something like this: "Mrs. Jones, stole money from his drawer a few times while working with you last summer. I feel very sorry for my dishonesty. " Or "John, I realize that I have acquired the habit of lowering yourself and I apologize for that. It was not right for me to treat you this way. "

Most times we do well to warn people with whom we amendments, the kinds of changes and refunds are trying to do with others to provide us with the opportunity to correct our mistakes. If you have harmed someone physically or materially, if we have stolen or damaged property, if we have caused economic damage, should pay or make arrangements to pay the money they owe. If we told a lie to someone, that should fix it unless we were going to cause more damage to it. Amend

something means to change. We completed our damage repair our wrong acts from the past to change our actions in the future. This is especially important to correct our mistakes for us and for those whom we hurt with our patterns often misguided behavior. We owe it to these people "living satisfaction." The words I say will not be anywhere near half as important as the attitudes that now employ them. Nothing would serve our apologies if again smite them with our actions. Our words would be hollow and further increase the already great damage in our relationships. Only a permanent change in our attitudes harmful can heal and heal the wounds that we love about the past.

These are the direct actions will be taken in cases where it is not possible to repair the damage: Some people on our list we can not find them. Present our apologies directly is not possible, but we can start doing so indirectly. For example, we can write the words I would say if you were to meet face to face. We recognize our mistake in writing and outline the strategy to fix the situation. As we move into the program continue to locate, determined to present our apologies in person once we find them. We were impressed by the sudden appearance before us in people who had been blind for years.

Some people in our Eighth Step list may already have died so that we can present our apologize personally. We have found that it still helps a lot to heal it indirectly. Again we write what we would say if we had them in front and they were alive. We read the letter aloud at some place that we remember his presence. We can restore part of our amendment making a donation to their favorite charity, helping a family member, or any other appropriate manner. Measure

should be the rule that governs us every time we should amend our errors, either directly or indirectly. Some amendments fall into the category for which it is best not to do them because the damage would be greater. For example, go and tell the wife (or) of someone who has had an affair with his consort, unless the person is already aware. It is good to remember that we repair the damage from our "actions" (or by our inaction when action was required) rather than by our "feelings." Approach someone and say "I ask an apology for how bad I've lost all these years" is not only appropriate, it'll hurt the person concerned. The proper way to repair five years of jealousy and hatred secret is to return them open with five years of acceptance, respect and love.

Some amendments will be made anonymously to prevent innocent persons from being damaged. But not repair the damage anonymously to avoid the embarrassment of doing it yourself, or rationalize that to repair the damage could hurt us financially or damage our self-esteem. By preventing the repair of damage, would deprive us of the total healing that comes from practicing Step Nine in full, so we would be making an injury instead of a favor.

If you really want to restructure our relationships with others, we must do everything we can to make things right with those we have hurt. We will have to do many things that we do not like to be able to correct our mistakes, but those who have gone through experience have found that this step is well worth the effort. After repairing the damage we discovered that we feel closer to God than ever before in the past. Having to act in a loving relationship with each of the people in our lives, spiritual awakening has become a reality. Wherever our forces have cleared the ruins of the past and now we are at peace with the world.

Now that we have completed the first nine steps, we can face the future with new confidence. We do not need the crutch of the ego because we have discovered a way of life that nourishes us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Our challenge now is to continue along this path under the guidance of the last three steps of our program of Twelve.

Step Nine.

"direct amends to such people wherever possible the damage they had caused, except in cases where doing so would harm themselves or others."

Asked to reflect on the Ninth Step.

1 .- What does it mean for you "direct repair"? How do you apply to keep your side of the street clean?

2 .- What fear have to do some of your repairs?

3 .- What fear makes you pass up the repair?

4 .- Reviewing your repairs to your sponsor you found any repair Inappropriate?

5 .- What are some of the changes you'll make in your attitude to make your repairs?

6 .- You have an example of how you will do your repairs?

7 .- There is in your list of repair people who died? In which way do your repair them?

8 .- You can share what I mean to repair your experience with your group?


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